Beebe4

Memories

Posted in Uncategorized by beebe4 on August 12, 2005

So I can’t remember my childhood that well. My mom and youngest sister (maybe the older ones too) think it is repression. I think it is binge drinking in college. Whatever the case I do sometime recall things when I am given the proper retrieval key.

On Six Feet Under last week, the Fisher family dealt with the loss of a brother and a son. It caused me to remember some things about going through my father’s death. I was only 14, and maybe I have repressed much of those memories, but while watching that episode I strongly remembered the feeling of not wanting to be seen.

I remember my friends from church youth group coming over a day or two days after the worst day of my life, and I remember running upstairs and “hiding”… I felt bad and appriciated how hard it must of been for them to come over, but I just wasn’t ready to deal with people.

I also remember walking into a church full of friends and family and not wanting to make eye contact with anyone, and the crushing weight of everyone’s eyes on me.

I was talking to my youngest sister, Mandy, about this last night, and she told me that she often thinks about walking out of the church, down the aisle. And remembering my Mom’s brother Bob walking her and my oldest sister down the aisle. I don’t remember who I walked with… either my Mom or my uncle.

No real point to my story… just wanted to write it down… in hopes of remembering more, maybe.

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2 Responses

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  1. me said, on August 15, 2005 at 3:12 pm

    A suggestion for you that has helped me uncover repressed memories. Right hand Left Hand writing. Write a question with your dominant hand. Then write the answer with your left hand…don’t think about the answer just let your hand write…sound kooky but some therapists believe your non dominant hand is linked to your subconcious. It has worked for me when I’m struggling with memories. I’m sorry you lost your Dad as such a young age.

  2. catsteevens said, on August 15, 2005 at 6:58 pm

    I admire you for even wanting to remember such a difficult time in your life. Don’t think I could do that.

    You’re a brave lil’ soldier.


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